It's that time of the year again, when memories begin to haunt. Some sweet ones, some agonizing ones - the beating of drums, the waiting in a hospital, the dancing on the streets, the silence of an ICU. It's that time of the year, the bitter and the sweet have been inexplicably interlinked forever. How does one free oneself from demons and even the angles. I miss the drum beats and the verve, but now it has a shadow, which seems to keep growing deeper and darker each passing year. Leaves falling off from a tree till only one remains. That's what it feels like, leaves wafting through the air, going amiss and never returning. Greater and deeper isolation, feeling of being abandoned by those who were supposed to be there. Those who betrayed and left you to your fate, those who were missing at the exact hour of need.
A longing for a city of dreams and its wet evenings and sandy sunsets, a longing for carefree times, when one could trust people even though slightly. Time is cruel, it doesn't heal, it accentuates the hurt. There is a quiver that's full of arrows and a bow ready to shoot, which keeps getting replenished with new ammunition. Words come back to you when you need them the most, breaking barriers created by the mind. There are moments when one lives all the moments at once. It's that moment full of light and darkness - chaya ani prakash. Don't we need both for life to be livable - joy and sorrow. Is lack of sorrow the life that we want to live?
I wonder why people are so scared of the dark, why do people want to shine light on corners that lay hidden in recesses? Why this constant need to illuminate and spread "happiness", sadness is also a human emotion, why not make peace with it, own it and be okay with experiencing it. The cycle of grief and sorrow, the cycle of betrayal and abandonment. Accept pain, learn from it, make it a part of your being.
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