"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back. "

Good old Camus

Freedom

"For thought is a bird of space, that in a cage of words may indeed unfold its wings but cannot fly." Khalil Gibran 

The Tailor Bird

Yesterday while walking amongst the trees I saw a shy green thing peeping out of under a branch. It twitched it's tail and then started to fly from twig to twig and then lost itself within the leaves. With a flaming cap and it's small pert tail, it seemed to bow before disappearing. Cute little birdie you're a joy to behold!

Two Thoughts (Part2)

So it's true the dinosaurs did end up inheriting the world. With over 50 million in population birds are highly widespread and diverse. My morning walks have brought them closer to me than ever before. I'm trying now to learn bird calls, not that I've been very successful, but it is a most fulfilling occupation. There are some that I can now distinctly make out, and some which I could always, the crow and koel as a case in point. Thought I'd start listing down birds I can now identify or have spotted, hope this list keeps growing. Not including crows, pigeons, peacocks, sparrows, kites, koels and doves :D. 

So here goes: 

Neelkanth or the Indian Roller - this is a beautiful blue bird with a very distinct call. It visited our park for a very brief period and I suspected was driven away by the very aggressive black drongos and babblers. It did look there was at least a pair, and every morning for a few weeks could hear it's guttural "chak chak" sound. To me it appeared almost like a bluish crow. 

Bharadwaj bird or the Greater coucal - I first spotted this bird in the SEEPZ complex in Mumbai, may have seen it before but never paid attention. A Maharashtrian friend pointed it out to me saying it's considered lucky to spot it (as is also the case with the Neelkanth it seems). It has this mournful, soulful sound. I often hear it during our morning walks, but it's a bit shy, so spotting it takes some time. 

Robins - there are two kinds I've seen in the park, small brown ones and black ones with a white streak across the wing. It's a very commonly spotted bird, not sure if I'd be able to identify it based on it's call. It seems to be a bit generic the usual twitter, but I maybe mistaken. It'll take me time to learn this talk. Edit: So these are two different kinds - the oriental magpie robin and the Indian robin.  

Pipits- took me a while to find the name of these birds, these look like female sparrows on stilts, foraging food in the grass. They are usually in a big group scattered around the grass, again a sound which can be classified as twitter, won't know it's them if I hear them. 

Sunbirds - I used to think these are humming birds as a kid and even larks, due to the black color of some of these. Again not one that I can identify from their sound, but they are easy to identify and spot.

Green bee-eater - These I used to think are mini parrots as a kid. They seem to be a bit seasonal, lots of them in the park these days. I think I know their call, but can't be very sure. 

Red-naped Ibis - This one again warrants another post. This was another satisfying experience, seeing a couple check out the place, build a nest, grow their brood, fly away and then come back with grown up babies for morning snacks. 

Pied wagtails - Spotted these for the first time this winter

Parrots and Myanas - again the most common birds, but very easy to identify from their call. 

Bulbuls 

Lapwings

Partridges - these are actually Gray Francolins or Teetar for us Indians - teetar ke do aage teetar ... I actually spotted three walking in a row one fine morning :) 

Black Drongos

Babbles

Hoopoe 

Golden Oriole 

Ashy prinia 

Woodpeckers

Hornbills

Rufus Treepie

Whoopies

Egrets 

Owls

Shikra

Indian white eye 

Hume's warbler 

Two Thoughts (Part1)

I have two things playing on my mind today, both totally disconnected, so I'll just pen down two separate sections for both. On second thought, the second topic may warrant a new post, maybe several new posts, but I'll let my thoughts be my master. 

First finally watched Oppenheimer. At 3 hours some minutes, took me three sittings to get through it, not because it was boring, more so cause my neck can only take that much. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and got reminded at several points of my love for physics in school. It was right on top of the list when it came to favorite subjects, followed by languages. I loved both Hindi and English and also Sanskrit for the 4 years we studied it. However, from the reviews I had imagined it would be a heavy hard to follow movie, but it moved along at an even pace, without indulging in any undue technical details, in a nutshell, it was a movie made for laymen, so was easy to follow. 

There were two things which kept me thinking by the end of the movie, first the lack of any moral scruples on the part of anyone involved in the dropping of the atom bomb. It was dealt with a bit, sort of indicating that Oppenheimer may have felt guilty, but it isn't completely addressed. From what I read post watching the movie, he never expressed any regret but his actions (on how he became a lobbyist for anti-arms race) seemed to indicate that he had a sense of guilt. Maybe there were political reasons for not calling out how wrong it was to use a nuclear weapon. To me nothing can ever justify what the Americans did, and it surprises me that no one ever asks them to be accountable or to apologize. 

The second think which as always amused me is the American fear of communism. For a country which bandies about the badge of being a "country of the free", they do suppress a lot of free thought. Perhaps I lack the context to understand this, and perhaps it was the era of the cold war, they may really have thought that the commies will take on the world. I remember long ago, I think when I visited Washington DC there was some monument built there which was dedicated to "the victims of communism". Made me wonder if there were actually a larger number of communist victims of Americans. 

So anyway that was my two bits on Oppenheimer, and finally I've always had this small little crush on Cillian Murphy right from the Dark Knight times! In the sense I noticed him in the film, inspite of a smaller role. 

Now coming to the next topic, like I said earlier, that's for another post! So let's fly right to it!

And so the sun sets on another day, with the promise of another day to follow... 

A series of unfortunate events

This is what the last few years have looked like, but it gets hard then to believe or trust people. I know people say it's been a while, but betrayal, lies and abandonment hurt even if it's happened long ago. I'm trying to move on and accept my lot in life. 

The reason I got married was because I was looking for a life partner, not because I was looking for someone who "will add value", or someone who "will help me achieve my goals" or "help me become a better person". It would have been nice if these things were there, but this was not the reason I wanted to get married. Wanting this would just mean I was putting the responsibility of personal growth on someone else. I didn't even necessarily want someone who shares my exact passions and hobbies. 

All I wanted was someone I could share my life with, someone I could plan to build a life together with and someone who would understand me. I wanted a partnership and an equal one at that. It was unfortunate that this is possibly not what the other person involved was looking for. What I've found hardest to accept is someone lying when saying those three words that no one should lie while saying. Its a bit akin to "Don't take the lords name in vain". Don't lie about this at least, be honest, don't pretend.  I was definitely not looking for someone who had his life figured out and was looking for someone to fall in line with what he wanted, a complete - "my way or the highway" approach to our marriage. 

But then what to do, this is how it is, and not something I can do anything about. Any anger I may feel, doesn't change facts, any sorrow, grief, betrayal or a sense of being deceived and cheated will not make any difference to anyone else's life, but mine. I am aware that the consequences need to be borne by me alone. 

The last few years have seen other loses too and makes one all too aware of mortality. I think Covid did change something fundamentally in people. I remember that Pan wallah in front of Prithvi theater, the way he said - "Insaniyat khatam ho gayi hai logon mein", it hit home. People do seem to have lost their humanity or a need to be kind to others. The lonely, the sad, the forsaken, they are left alone to their solitary existence, and no one lends a helping hand. 

There is a well so deep, it can contain an ocean 

Just toss your feelings into it, it's a never-ending abyss

Just keep in mind what goes inside, may never be found again

So toss and don't look back again

Chin high and be on your way 

In a deep ravine, there is a small patch of green

No one sees it grow, but it has the most beautiful flowers 

Unrivalled by the best garden

In the ravine, deep in the heart of the forest

Walk memories of a forest one cannot escape

Even the sun filters its light before landing headlong into the lap of this earth 

Giving rise to an exotic circus of birds, beasts and trees

I still walk in that ravine deep in the forest where the garden grows 

Resolutions

It's an annual ritual to sit and make resolutions, to be determined that this year I'll turn my life around. Writing has been something which I keep saying I'll do more of. Somewhere along the way, I keep getting this feeling that I'm losing touch with the writer in me. I've lost patience with words; I've started preferring the visual. 

The visual medium has always stimulated me, maybe something to also do with a sense of symmetry. Recently I picked up crochet, and though I was initially intimidated by the complex patterns people on YouTube videos seem to be dishing out, I took to it like a fish to water. It was almost like I always knew how to do it. I loved it, it was addictive. There's something very peaceful about creating neat rows and symmetrical, geometrical patterns. Unfortunately, my neck and shoulders have taken a beating as a result, like several other things I get attached to, I got involved a bit obsessively.  So, this year's resolution is to try and regulate my passions. 

So, write more, paint more, take more photos, do less crochet. 

Also, my view on following passions is to do it silently and for the joy it gives you. It should fulfil something in your soul, rather than being a showpiece to garner praise from others. Create something and do it in the silence of your home. Help someone and do it in a way that truly changes a life, even if it's just one life. And above all prioritize peace of mind and health, both physical and mental. Let's see what the future holds.

In the bleak shadows of sorrow springs the sunny plant of hope. 

New Year New Hope

Recently discovered this majestic tree. All year I thought this was semal till it started to bloom. This is the silk floss tree closely related to semal. Blooms at a different time of the year. Here's ushering in a new year with hope in one's heart for a better tomorrow.