A series of unfortunate events

This is what the last few years have looked like, but it gets hard then to believe or trust people. I know people say it's been a while, but betrayal, lies and abandonment hurt even if it's happened long ago. I'm trying to move on and accept my lot in life. 

The reason I got married was because I was looking for a life partner, not because I was looking for someone who "will add value", or someone who "will help me achieve my goals" or "help me become a better person". It would have been nice if these things were there, but this was not the reason I wanted to get married. Wanting this would just mean I was putting the responsibility of personal growth on someone else. I didn't even necessarily want someone who shares my exact passions and hobbies. 

All I wanted was someone I could share my life with, someone I could plan to build a life together with and someone who would understand me. I wanted a partnership and an equal one at that. It was unfortunate that this is possibly not what the other person involved was looking for. What I've found hardest to accept is someone lying when saying those three words that no one should lie while saying. Its a bit akin to "Don't take the lords name in vain". Don't lie about this at least, be honest, don't pretend.  I was definitely not looking for someone who had his life figured out and was looking for someone to fall in line with what he wanted, a complete - "my way or the highway" approach to our marriage. 

But then what to do, this is how it is, and not something I can do anything about. Any anger I may feel, doesn't change facts, any sorrow, grief, betrayal or a sense of being deceived and cheated will not make any difference to anyone else's life, but mine. I am aware that the consequences need to be borne by me alone. 

The last few years have seen other loses too and makes one all too aware of mortality. I think Covid did change something fundamentally in people. I remember that Pan wallah in front of Prithvi theater, the way he said - "Insaniyat khatam ho gayi hai logon mein", it hit home. People do seem to have lost their humanity or a need to be kind to others. The lonely, the sad, the forsaken, they are left alone to their solitary existence, and no one lends a helping hand. 

There is a well so deep, it can contain an ocean 

Just toss your feelings into it, it's a never-ending abyss

Just keep in mind what goes inside, may never be found again

So toss and don't look back again

Chin high and be on your way