Kabir Singh

So far never really felt like watching this movie, or it's original - Arjun Reddy. I'd heard a lot of debates on it and recently saw an interview with Ratna Pathak where she completely berated it. I wondered how bad can this movie be. We've grown up enjoying a lot of movies which glorify extremely questionable behavior on the hero's part. I remember some of these movies somehow made me angry, but in some cases I didn't even realize that there was something wrong till I grew up. DDLJ is a good example of this, especially since I loved Shahrukh Khan and thought Raj was the epitome of romance. Only later did I realize that some of his behavior bordered on perverted with his unwanted advances towards a girl on a solo trip. 

Anyway so I braced myself to watch this movie - Kabir Singh and I couldn't believe how terrible it was. It was unabashed masculine toxicity. Within minutes of the movie the guy was almost about to rape a girl at knife point, and this was somehow shown in humorous light (and while reading a review I read that the audience actually laughed at this scene). And this was just one of many such weird scenes right at the beginning of the movie. 

The relationship with the girl was another big problem. It was depicted as love at first sight, but significantly for the boy. The girl's feelings were completely irrelevant, she was more or less a piece of property that belonged to him and he marked as his possession right at the start declaring to a class of male students that they better steer clear of her, even though he didn't know her name nor what she wanted. He plants a completely uninvited peck on her cheek the first time he speaks to her and at some point plonks himself on her lap, as expected without checking with the girl if she's ok with it. To the girl's credit her facial do reflect the right level of alarm that anyone would feel at such intrusion of privacy. To make matters worse he decides who she should be friends with apparently "fat girls make good friends coz they are like teddy bears and are loyal. Pretty girls shouldn't be friends with thin girls." 

Post this I couldn't bear to watch the movie. But the thought that this movie minted money at the box office and has staunch defenders is very worrying. That anyone can find such behavior acceptable is very hard to digest. Possibly reflects the predominant patriarchal mindset in our society where women are merely seen as a possession and not as individuals with independent thoughts, desires and aspirations. 

There was this argument that the movie was only trying to show the character arc of a flawed person. But what I found problematic was the glorification and attempt to normalize such behavior. I've never liked Devdas as a character, but there at least I felt there was an attempt to depict a flawed and weak character. 

My personal opinion on the movie is that it's perhaps one of the worst piece of cinema ever made.  

Club 27 and more (or less)

 Moving this here from my other blog

I'm starting with the "and more (or less)" of my title

Was re-watching the Joker on Netflix sometime back which brought up a conversation on Joaquin Phoenix. I still remember the first I ever heard of him was as a kid. The article was not about him, but his brother River Phoenix. This was probably around the time he died from a drug overdose outside a night club at the age of 23. I remember reading about his death but what struck me the most was the fact that his 19 year old brother had to watch him die while he was desperately trying to call 911 to get assistance ( and his sister tried to resuscitate him- as I learnt later). The thought of that brother just stuck on. I couldn't imagine what he would have gone through and subsequently always viewed Joaquin through the filter of that incident, which perhaps he also did. 

Back in the days information wasn't so easy to access. You would come across an article, see some show on TV and then obsess over how to learn more. Newspapers, TV, libraries these were some of the main source of information, or other people. I didn't know too many people who knew too much about River Phoenix, so I let the death settle down in some corner of my mind, without trying to learn more. Some facts I had picked up were that he was a musician and acted in films, none of which I had seen. So when this conversation came up, I did what I wasn't able to do all those million years ago - I googled him. I spent some good time looking at his interviews and some shots on him and it recast both him and Joaquin in a different light (though only slightly). 

Theirs seemed to be a hippie family, a big one at that with River leading a merry band of children (as I heard someone say in one of the short clips I saw on him). Their parents were part of a cult called Children of God, which had some VERY questionable practices (also when it came to children). Luckily for them their parents realized the mess the cult was and got them out before it was too late. Subsequently they headed for life in show biz, performing at road sides to earn money. River did come across as the more charismatic sibling which probably helped him get cast in films (though painfully awkward and shy, which in some way seemed to add to the charisma). What I found most interesting though was an interview segment where he was asked about how his family is and he answered about how though they could all end up shouting at each other, they were always encouraged to speak up and discuss things. I think that's what is at the core of family ties - you can disagree, fight, shout at each other, but you all still have each others back, still love each other. Was watching another interview which had the whole family together more recently (minus River and their father) and you could see the bond between the three sisters, one brother and mother. I thought how River described his family summed up a "perfect" family for me. For all families have the skeletons in their cupboards, their fights, their idiosyncrasies but ultimately it's the ability to understand each other and discuss things that binds a family, however strange or dysfunctional it may appear to someone else. There is no formula for a perfect family. 

As I was looking for stuff on River Phoenix I also started reading up about the other sensational death of that time - Kurt Cobain (which leads me to the Club 27 section of the post :D. Apologies for the constant explanations but I thought of the title first and then started writing this out so it's zipping back and forth on themes). He has gained such cult status that I never really made an effort to read up about the details of what happened to him. I remember the notice board of our college literary society had his suicide note occupying place of pride. I had read it several times, but it made no sense to me - a man who had a wife and a very young daughter, why would he do this to his family? One of my batchmates was a big fan and wore a t-shirt with his face and if I'm not mistaken the suicide note written all over it. Somehow I didn't enjoy the thought of someone's dying words being glorified so much. They just made me feel sad about the loss of a precious young life, a loss of immense potential and most keenly the impact on the young mother with a very young child. 

So when I started reading up about Mr. Cobain, I was quite taken aback when I read about the conspiracy theories behind his death. I was stunned that his wife was suspected of having gotten him murdered. The circumstances leading up to his death were also murky - he was missing for days after having run away from a rehab facility before his dead body was found with a bullet shot and a suicide note in his own house, possibly 2 or 3 days after it happened. The person who accused his wife was the private detective she had hired to locate him and it was strange that they never thought to look for him in his own house. There was a big investigation and finally his death was ruled a suicide and Courtney Love given a clean chit, However the conspiracy theories persist. 

I couldn't help draw parallels with a more recent suicide which got our country's media houses crossing all limits of decency. Not unsurprisingly there too the girl friend was suspected of foul play, of having driven him to a mental break down, drugging him and what not. I wonder why a grown up man cannot be held accountable for his own behavior ?

However getting back to Cobain, it was immensely tragic. No one will ever know what he went through in those last few days of his life ( beyond his suicide note - which as it turns out is accused of being a forgery by Courtney), he had so much to live for. Even if his relationship with his wife was falling apart, he had a very young daughter who never got to know him . 

With River Phoenix while it was equally tragic, the fact that it was an accident casts his legacy in a different light. An early environment and animal rights activist, an older brother who was an inspiration to his siblings,  a young boy whose experiment with drugs on a night out went terribly wrong

Annual Dances

She's ashen in winters,

Green in spring
Verdant, beautiful and youthful.
Playful and ever changing
Taking on new shapes, sizes
Flitting from flower to flower
And breaking into a solitary dance
She sways, she springs

Hardy

I came across a reference to Eustacia Vye recently and it took me back to my school days, when Thomas Hardy had taken hold of me. It was around the time when I had, had my fill of Jane Austen and I couldn't make sense of how the world she wrote about lent in any way to women empowerment. It was only later that I came to appreciate to some extent the fact that for her times she was a pioneer. For me Mr. Darcy was never the ideal man, it was Farmer Oak. 

It did amaze me how a man could bring to life a more multi-layered female character than a woman. Eustacia Vye was unlike any other heroine I had come across till that time. (I was still in school and my reading was largely limited to Victorian writers, Enid Blytons and lots of Archies, some Asterix and some TinTins ) She was flawed, she wasn't coy and the epitome of human ideals. I  loved how human she was. I think Return of the Native was the first of his novels that I read. And I couldn't help but feel that Thomas Hardy possibly inhabited a world which was far ahead of his times, but somehow he couldn't get himself to reconcile to this fact, and had to end all his novels tragically ( except Far from the Madding Crowd, where at least the hero and heroine ended up together). And his books dealt with pertinent issues that women (and men) have had to deal with. 

The wanderlust of Eustacia, her longing to see a wider world than the moors in which she lived, in contract to Clement's desire for a simple life. It also highlighted how a marriage can fall apart just on the basis of unmatched expectations. Most of Jane Austen books culminated in marriage and a happily ever after and there was no examination of what happened post, did Elizabeth enjoy keeping house for Mr. Darcy ?

In Far from the Madding crowd he examined prosaic love as he put it. I love what he writes about prosaic versus poetic love. And possibly why Farmer Oak will always be my favorite, someone who had the strength of character to support a woman who in some ways was his boss. He worked on her farm after all. It's been over 20 years since I've read the book, but the discourse on prosaic love has helped form my views on what love should be. 

Then there is Jude which deals with so many complex themes - class divide and how it determines your access to quality education, infidelity or rather extra marital affairs and incest (at least to me it was that since we've grown up considering our cousins to be our brothers and sisters). Tess deals with rape, Two on a Tower with a younger man falling for an older woman. I can't recall other books right now, and I haven't read Mayor of Casterbridge. 

But in essence his books fascinated me in a way no other  book had so far. Most of my reading till that point had been teenage adventure books, comics, some classics, PG Wodehouse and Mr. Holmes. His books opened an avenue to explore human emotions. His main protagonists, weren't heroes or heroines, they were just that protagonists. They felt real, they were human, they bled and they erred and usually ended up making a complete mess of their lives, if they did not end up dead. Which was the painful part of reading his books. Somewhere I felt that while he envisaged this world where the poor had access to higher education, where women could fulfill their desires and not be typecast as witches, where the relationship between an older woman and a younger man was not frowned upon or a farmhand was not raped by the rich landlord, he also felt hesitant to completely commit to it. He ended his novels in tragedy, which to me sometimes seemed to imply that the world he envisaged was not viable.  

Perhaps in our times some of the themes may seem dated and irrelevant, but for the times that he lived in and for the setting of his novels (good old Wessex) , his ideas do seem to be different and in some ways revolutionary. I think that's what drew me to his novels, the novelty of what he wrote and the fact that he was a pioneer. A lot of writers today perhaps write about more complex issues, but to be among the few voices of your time, I think that's what made him special. 

After passing out from school I never read another of his book, our school library had a huge collection of his works. I do feel the need to re-read and re-understand. I do wonder how much I must have missed, reading his books at the age that I did read them. I'm glad I came across that reference to Eustacia which brought about this chain of thought. Maybe time to pick up Mayor of Casterbridge! 

Gold

Just when I was sure I’ve had enough of poetry I came across this by Robert Frost

Nothing Gold can stay

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.